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Burden Calls

by ASTPAI

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1.
Single Use 02:23
we were born into boredom, and we'll die trying to make sense. raised on Industrial evolution and kept sane by medicinal defense and if you know it clap your hands. we try to reap fruits of our arts, while owing credit to our cards. we got used to stand-by-buttons and chit-chat conversations. our gods had over twenty channels, and VCRs were our saviors. we've had a few outstanding welcomes, but now our welcome is outstayed. and our headstones will say: "for single use only" talking 'bout our degeneration talking 'bout our degeneration
2.
"i don't care. i don't care anymore. isn't that horrific? wasn't giving a shit the last open door out of this abstraction that they label as 'worthwhile' i used to run with grace, but tell me how does one crawl a mile? without a destination, without orientation, with all this hesitation, and just aggravation cause all i hear is dead end-talking and all i see is bullshit walking on and on" he paused for a short while, he’s got both hands in his face. "you know, i can't put my anger in a productive place. it would be easier to do so, if i could only grasp its source, but when aggresion meets self-loathing they become the strongest force got no destination, no orientation, all this hesitation, and just aggravation and all i hear is dead end-talking and all i see is bullshit walking on and on“
3.
Out 02:34
he gets back on his feet, the longest way home, he observes the dynamics of everyone around. his cold hands clenched to fists, his head up in the sky, the world keeps speeding up, as he slowly floats by.
4.
all the hatred in this town teams up and re-enters the scene it shakes and shivers what is left right out of him "oh these scavengers", he thinks "here they come again to feast on the dead and the weak, the young and the old. burning souls and serving bodies cold." "i'm daring brighter days to show me different ways than the ones bringing me here with my lungs in the stratosphere." their conversations become insults and the other way around, their silence creates topics with deeper meaning yet to be found switching hatred for reflection and simplicity for taste, routine for affection and content for waste. death everywhere death everywhere six feet under or overground death all around
5.
After All 02:11
she was the sun and the moon although she would never turn her back she awaited him with love and put his life back on track as dark and unbalanced his journey may seem, she was the protective and patient gateway to his dreams
6.
Departure 03:31
his head is now up in space, far away from it all. not afraid to rise, not afraid to fall no reason to feel lonely, although life is caving in every second is precious, because she is up there with him "all constellations seem so different up here, everything looks threateningly bright once you get near. but the closest shooting stars, you're able to cool because you're the exception to every rule." but his heart still beats on its own terms and it doesn't seem to change despite the lessons that he learns along the way. in moments he is free from everything, you can see him breathing out, but never breathing in.
7.
"the closer the objects, the scarier they get and there will be a time when your mind will be set to the convenience of order of the walls you refuse to miss longing for the taste of cold, hard ground to kiss" he is not sure if he knows, what her words are about - assumptions and doubts. all that he knows, is that the chill and the calm in her voice are doing their best to make him question every choice, lose his only voice. because his head still smokes from all the turns, and it doesn't seem to stop despite the lessons that he learns in moments he is free from everything, he keeps on breathing out while the air is getting thin. because outer space is not big enough sometimes.
8.
Down By Love 00:33
9.
Resignation 00:45
"oh cold, hard earth, was it you that i've missed? did i long for the taste of the ground i just kissed? i know i made this choice, a long time ago, it's just too hard to realise, that i can't let you go. i didn't dare to imagine, how this distant choice of mine could be total satisfaction and insanity combined."
10.
Careers 03:58
"i didn't dare to imagine, how this distant choice of mine could be total satisfaction and insanity combined. all this energy within me - it's everything i've got. its capacity is not optional and what's left is not a lot. maybe redefine my limits, maybe take a few steps back. try to focus on priorities, change course and stay on track. because how long would you think these dynamics work out fine, if i keep on disrespecting, my resources all the time? Feels like I'm on my own Amongst mass compensation Didn't we once agree on so many things, Or was it just naive to think that we are soulmates by nature, not soulmates by choice? That we share the same content, not just produce the same noise. That we care for another when we face our deepest fears. are we the difference that we're praising, or just stuck in shitty careers? i lost touch with everything as my limits cheer me on. it's just hard being dependend on the colliding rhythms of everyone that i'm sharing all this passion and these obituaries with, these days i question everything and find myself asking if we are soulmates by nature, or soulmates by choice? do we share the same content, or just produce the same noise? do we care for another when we face our deepest fears? are we the difference that we're praising, or just stuck in shitty careers?"
11.
Small Change 02:38
„As I enter the main room, I see the tables all across. I see sharp dressed men and women, Lifelong winners that don't mind a loss. And I end up in the back next to bathrooms, emergency exits and bins And as I pull down the handle of this trusty thief, I hear the liberating sound of small change hammering down on tin. I see numbers covered by money And money covered in sweat And as I strive past all the missed turns in my life Heads turn from here to the wheels of roulette. And It feels like I'm the only one in here, To appreciate this slight feeling of fear, To lose it all to destiny and fate, Apathy, exhaustion, love or hate“.
12.
Oxygen 01:56
Wake up, shake up to reality still holding on To your consciousness and the beliefs you considered long, long gone. „Jealousy you sweet and bitter song, You finally got me singing along. I recently found out to my demise: you really were just disbelief in disguise. The air behind your mask was getting thin Now you're longing for some truthful oxygen.“ Looking back on years of keeping track Of everyone's mistakes Feels not half as satisfying as You thought it would that day you Decided you'd be different than the rest.
13.
„so this is what we got from pushing everyone around: the old ones burning out, the young ones full of doubts and maybe i'm just jealous of the emotions in your way that helped you to throw all of this away. or is it just me feeling left out from what seems to keep everyone alive, or did i just miss all the safety announcements in all these years throughout my life that tried to warn me and protect me from myself? and the last shows have been alright and ten years is a long time. and the last shows have been alright and ten long years is a long time. at first we were all the same: making plans, fueling the flame. pints of lager made us strong, getting them for free made us go on. then we got rid of all distractions, putting our plans into action. motivation was here to stay and our frustration led the way. but now we lost it! we kept ourselves too busy all the time. unreliability slowly seemed to rhyme with all the output and all the drinking inbetween for those who do, and for those who don't know what i mean for those with a plan and for those not knowing what to do, and for those about to drop out, we salute you! maybe i'm just jealous of the emotions in your way that help you to throw all of this away.“

about

recorded in october 2013 a S.T.R.E.S.S. studio graz, austria
produced by ASTPAI
engineered & mixed by Tom Zwanzger
mastered by Alan Douches
artwork by Flö Rastbichler

LP/CD available through Ass Card Records (Europe) and Jump Start Records (North America)
www.asscardrecords.com
www.jumpstartrecords.com

MCR/Tape available from October 18 through Laser Life Records
www.laserliferecords.com

credits

released October 8, 2015

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ASTPAI Wiener Neustadt, Austria

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