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Efforts And Means

by ASTPAI

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released 18 May 2012

produced & mixed by tom zwanzger and ASTPAI at s.t.r.e.s.s. studio, graz, austria
mastered by steve rizun at drive studios, woodbridge, canada
artwork by bruno guerreiro aka brunofsky
layout by tobi at asscard records

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Track Name: Biting Dogs Don't Chew
we keep the challenged on the outside
to avoid challenging ourselves
we give meaning to moral standards
that only work towards themselves
we put the law and it's pig-servants
into the center of our lifes
in order to point out
potential backs for all our knives

this town, or any town it seems
turns into the frozen playground
that i already dropped out of in my teens.

you never drop out for good,
you never drop out of fears!
you only drop out for hours,
days or maybe years.
but the bullies of our past
are the insecurity of today.
even though they never lived by now or then
in fact, they don't live by time at all
they live on it!
they feast on it!
and your patience is their desert
and your understanding is their vomit,
just too much to keep it down.
down the drain,
into the soil of your beliefs,
loosening the anchors of your mental health,
poisoning you until you don't feel anything anymore.
what's left of you is waiting to get digested
for whatever time that you've got left.

and now tell me you won't get angry!
tell me you won't get mad
upon losing every feeling
and every clear thought you've ever had
when you're screaming at your loved ones,
although they speak your heart and head,
tell me you won't get angry!
tell me you won't get mad!
Track Name: Intentions
everything has changed my friend.
can things ever be the same again?
maybe not.
maybe on our deathbed but fuck that!
your actions never just affect your life,
no, you never go down alone.
and if they change things for you for the better
it might not even last forever!

in this cage you have to push people down
to step on their backs and reach out for the crown.
in order to succeed, you have to push people down
to step on their backs and reach out for the crown.

but backs will break and you'll go down,
life's meant to be based on the ground
all together in the dirt
where only patience counts.

and i had to learn and i'm learning still:
you'll always end up paying a bad decision's bill
while the need for heavy hearts,
the need to play steady parts,
and the need for brand new starts
is the greed of a starving past,
the beat of routine at last
and the disaffection about thinking caste.

why do things that feel so right
never last without a fight?
a fight between you and your mind
that has already been haunted to many nights.
Track Name: Give Us Today Our Daily Bread, Cars And Flatscreens
and again they get together
different faces everytime
carrying the same banner
and being equally narrow in their minds

while i'm stuck between the money
- the money and disgust
the one thing barely paying bills
the other turning integrity into dust.

like i'm pretty sure i understand
the need to say goodbye,
to stand and watch the shell
that captured what you loved go by
and put it underground
for starving insects to be found

but why the scenery,
why the crypts,
why the actors,
why the scripts,
why tradition over true emotion?

praise the paychecks,
praise the cash,
saving us from a fundamental clash.

i'd be happy to wake up jobless
to people sharing what they feel
instead of hiring unrelated strangers
with profession in their hearts of steel.
Track Name: Heart To Grow
i think we made it.
i can see as far as there is life down there.
from up here it's getting harder to believe,
that our past has been wasted time at last.

so let's share this deep breath
and enjoy the view and the sudden silence on this path
for the first time in years
we're holding on to shaken hands.
friends forever,
forever friends.

and please take a picture, for everyone to see,
and i'll put my words down on it instantly
it'll show the way we put behind us and it'll say:

"respect and appreciation was the cure for our sensations and everything we used to hold on to without holding on to honesty"
Track Name: Stalactites Of Heart
amongst stalactites of heart,
where simply growing's the finest art,
i find it hard to watch relations fall apart

and what's the point in burning out
when there's noone around to blame
when the trampled path 'self pity'
is what's driving you insane.

as i get older some get old
and conversations turn so cold,
i find it so hard to react,
understand and reconnect.

when life decisions became lifelong excuses
and the past remains nothing else to you but bruises
when higher powers gain deeper meaning
you better go and dig them up,
before they occupy your heart
- the reason why things are how they are!

when there's noone left to point at,
will i point fingers at myself?
- stuck in my mind, stuck in reactions,
stuck in boredom and it's attractions
and if this whole life was a closet
full of good times out of trend
then every single doubt about myself
will be waiting on the bottom shelf.

when life decisions gave you lifelong excuses.
excuse me.
Track Name: Honest Or Sentimental
if i'd tell you what could last
from our complicated past
would you feel content or put to test?

and when you see that i've become
equally insecure and numb
would you be realistic or would you feel dumb?

and when they say we're not the same
and that education is to blame
would you feel helpless or full of shame?

and if you'd get to see the day
on which we'll all have hell to pay
did you see it coming or did you look away?

and along with the few things that you're proud of
after all these tiring years
come the things that leave you shivering
and make you break out in tears
but if this life will raise its questions
about the unread books up on your shelf
what will be your answers?
will you be honest or sentimental with yourself?

if i'd tell you i can see
you did your very best for me
would you burst out laughing or would you agree?

and in case you'd think you've been fully bent
wouldn't that be overconfident?
or do you lack the energy you've spent?

and as you recently
took a closer look at me
did you look relieved or wishfully?

and could you say ultimately
that you seized every moment we
have spent together or separately?

and it's not like i've got many choices,
well, not as many as it seems,
but options equal efforts
and they're just as good as dreams.
but if this life will raise its questions
about the unread books up on my shelf
what will be my answers?
will i be honest or sentimental with myself?

and in the end this circle closes
because of what you did or did not do:
because as efforts grow on means,
i could have done none of this without you.

but if this life will raise its questions
about the unread books up on our shelfs
what will be our answers?
will we be honest or sentimental with ourselves?
Track Name: Blindly Trusting Habits
for there's no cage big enough to control
or accomodate the human soul
in all it's crashes, all it's flights
in all it's dephts and all it's heights.

but then why do i let these bars lock me out from my insides
and my instinctive points of view?
i thought i defeated conditioning,
but it won by knockout in round two.

for there's no cage small enough to break
what's barely keeping you awake,
what slows the beating in your chest
and prepares you for eternal rest.

so why do you let these walls lock you in from the outside
and it's complicated life?
while simplicity and comfort
will never encourage you to strive...

...for something more fulfilling,
for something less mundaine,
for reasons that get you moving
towards exits, out of breath
redefining sane and insane.

because the values we hold on to
and defend
will not become our issues
until we try to make them end
and all this blindly trusting habits
without questioning ourselves
resembles mindless cut and paste
and lets potential go to waste.
Track Name: Act/ Claim
dead inside but in charge, what a mix.
mid european politics
ruining people you'll never know
- head in sand, on with the show.
but your time will come, your days shall pass
your ugly heads will roll at last
so enjoy your hatred while you can
i'll meet you at your bitter end

let's take their power and put it down
all the way into the ground
for better times to feast on
and to walk the surface everlong.

your ugly heads will roll at last
Track Name: Becoming Strangers
come with me for a walk, summer kicked out the cold,
let's find ways out of distraction, ways out of control.
it's been way too long since we changed our topics and talked
about how we give up on the things most important.
my friend i can't even name the place that you're born in,
the place that put you on your feet and forced you to walk.

and if i had my will i'd cover streets with your stories in chalk.

most times it's myself that i don't understand
while i'm falling for outfits doing the best job they can
the best job a soulless thing possibly can.
and it feels so wrong feeling this alright
and the end of the day leaves another sleepless night

if i had my will i'd pick someone to fight
and break down all the walls in my sight
if i had my will i'd have someone in mind
to teach me to value some things a bit more in my life.

come with me for a walk,
let's dare to understand
the ways out of distraction
doing the best job it can
it's been way too long
and it feels so wrong
our wills be done today as friends.

i detest all the bullshit, the masks and the lies,
twisting my insides, penetrating my mind,
but if i had my will i'd ask someone to be so kind
to fight and break down all the walls in my sight,
to teach me to value things more in my life
to take me away from this brainfuck in disguise.

because i fall in love about ten times a day,
ten times with strangers meaning everything to me.
did this place desensitise me so much already
that i don't even know what love is?!
Track Name: Spelling Friendship
frequencies are clashing in my head,
some things are better off unsaid.
sounds with clear intensions in unclear keys
failing to merge, while fighting on their knees.
panning's useless, fading out won't work that fine.
this room's too intense, too romantic, too small
to leave space for space sometimes.

a nightbus, crossing nightlife north to south
- tonight it barely carries your big mouth
a city the size of a birdcage losing touch.
a bird called freedom of speech,
freed by alcohol and such.
while these frequencies are still clashing in my head.
most things are still better off unsaid.
fading out still just wouldn't work out fine.
this room's too intense, too fucked up, too small
for our crazy narrow minds.

how i wish it was me right now
to crack a joke and relax,
but i just can't deny the need,
to break both your arms and legs.
tonight i'll spread anger and fear,
hatred and doom.
hell will break loose even though you agreed
to let me crash on the couch in your room.